style section, vera wang

i think people who hate carrie, secretly don't want to admit the similarities they see in themselves.

i think people have an idea in their heads that confidence equivalates to never having insecurities. people have their own perceptions of others, which just leads to endless comparisons ; even unintentional.

it's an ugly truth - an embarrassing one.

nobody wants to admit whether or not they have the bad habits they do. but unfortunately for myself i have already said too much about myself online to necessarily worry too much. plus i severely doubt many men are reading my blog - let alone any who's opinions are truly trivial to my life.

my main fault in comparison? how i look. but more so specifically my tattoos and piercings. now do not get me wrong - i look exactly how i always wanted. i mean my dream career was to be a model for harley magazines so i could be cool and tattooed like the models. but sometimes i have my own moments.

i wonder if my appearance hinders the relationships i am presented with entering. i often get told i "look like trouble" or some other weird lame line about how i look and truthfully it's not mens perceptions i'm too worried about, but late at night i'll get reminded of the looks i get in certain areas, comments i receive.

i saw a tiktok today that gave me some unfortunate comfort in the fact i am not alone in these thoughts of mine - it essentially just said that nobody told her covering herself in tattoos would create lust over love. in the comments when asked what it meant she said it simply meant he can't picture her in a wedding dress.

i do slightly feel this has been an unfortunate rise in the conservatism and purity culture of the country, but let's be real this has been a thought process in many's minds for years.

there's a hypersexualization over women with tattoos and piercings in the stigmatization that body mods aren't seen as art, they're seen as proof a woman must be "freaky". and yeah yeah blah blah i chose to get this art on my body and the piercings i chose, but i don't think that deems me as some weird fantasy for men. sue a girl for customizing her avatar i guess.

now this does make me disappointed, i have planned my wedding on pinterest since i was maybe thirteen. it's hard wondering when you'll meet someone who can actually imagine you walking down the aisle, not because you're some ultimate fantasy of sex; but because you love me and can't imagine life without you.

i sometimes compare myself to girls with no ink on their bodies, no holes in their faces, and wonder if their love life is significantly better (spoiler alert : its not.) i talk to my friends who have none and somehow their luck still strikes the same as me.

but, as much as i don't want to think about it i do. i wonder if it'll be me he'll want to marry or the girl with all my other physical attributes - just minus the mods. and even though i shouldn't care - and i don't 100% care (maybe like 30% overall energy was put into this) i still am human and can wonder why this is the way it is.

idk if this is worth sharing, like last time i have no groundbreaking resolution for my feelings but maybe it resonated with anyone else. idk.

anyways

xo,

belle.